Swearing rules (not SWEARING RULZ!!!)

I'm a firm believer in the fact that there are times appropriate for swearing.  Swearing can be used to emphasize a point, make an average joke incredible, and just make the sun shine a little bit brighter, if only for a short while.  My dad has had a grand slam of swears (that means he's said them all) in the last 4 years, and they all came out in ways that made everyone in the family laugh... even if he didn't say them expecting laughs.  Who could do anything about the story of "a b!"

On top of being useful, I believe swear words have to be earned.  The problem I have with most sweary-typed people is that they use them way too often.  I mean, I've heard guys use 3-5 words in a sentence.  Cool dude, way to water down everything.

I have earned 9 swears this year.  9.  That means that Mr. Cool dude from above used half of my quota for 2008 in one sentence.  It might happen, but I earned mine from 3 injuries that were painful, embarrassing, and altogether unpleasant.  Since the first injury, I began compiling a chart on how to know how many swears you have, since ignorance is no excuse to overswear.

1 Swear

• Immediately following a stubbed toe (2 if it happens in the shower)
  
• Missing your exit and having to drive another 3 miles before taking the next exit... and it has no on ramp going the other way.
  
• Finding out that Obama isn't a republican (only applies before 2008 or after the election)
• Finding out that Sarah Palin is (must use immediately)
• Buying anything Apple makes the day before an "unveiling." 
• Dropping a first aid kit into a toilet, and then telling the employee who saw it who just met you "it's okay, the bags water proof," but when you open it, it looks like the water seeped through.  

2 Swear

• Being Brett Favre
• Leaving your car keys in the car, and then not finding your magnet key device, because you never put it on because you used that key when you left your first one in the car and now they're both in the car.
• Getting poked in one eye.  Then getting poked in the other.  
• Forgetting the whole reason you drove 30 minutes in the snow.
• Getting into a low speed car accident.

3 Swear

• Broken bones (3 per bone)
  
• Any injury that prevent activity
• Missing the game winning field goal
• Being stuck in a car with a driver who listens to Nickelback (or 1 Swear per song, maximum 10 swears per album)
• Telling the wrong girl/guy you like them on facebook because of an accidental tab.
• Finding out that the girl/guy you like didn't really like you, they just accidentally pushed tab (multiply by 10 if this whole incident takes place in person)

5 Swear

• Burning your toast beyond repair.
  
• Finding out your roommate does Quixtar
• Having cancer (5 is the lowball, use your own judgement based on severity)
• Finding proof the moon landing was fake

Downtrodden be damned

"The Caribbean Monk seal (or West Indian seal) has been announced extinct on Friday. This comes as a shock (at least for me - and many others), as this is the first seal species announced extinct due to human activities; now, it will only be seen in drawings.After five years of futile efforts in which not even a single sighting has been reported, the U.S. declared extinct, and also declared that no other seal species has been extinct because of us. This probably (and sadly) opens the way for more such species to become extinct - unless something changes.

The Caribbean Monk Seal was a relatively small seal (6-9 feet) with rolls of fat around its neck and brown pelage that faded to a yellow-white color on the stomach. The last recorded sighting occurred in 1952.

Perhaps what’s even more important here is the lesson that must be learned. Humans left the population unsustainable due to overhunting. To how many other species have we done this? This will (and already is) ultimately affect us! Take just 10 seconds and think about that."

Okay, I found this article on Stumbledupon.com, which is pretty awesome, but the article is pretty sad.  I was really sad when I read the captioning.  We shouldn't be extincting animals.  We should be unextincting them. 

Then I got to the part of the article where the writer says "This probably (and sadly) opens the way for more such species to become extinct - unless something changes."  

Really?

I mean, I'm against taking our environment for granted and destroying nature, but - um... I need to write my blog about swearing real quick - WTF!!1!!11!!1!!  

This probably opens the way for more species to become extinct?  Buh... um... I'm sorry, but what a stupid thing to say.  Our society is so obsessed with green right now, that every company is at least making some effort towards going green (or pretending to).  NBC did a whole week on going green.  Every political candidate (the seal article was written in June) was talking about the environment.  Everything is about going green.  People are using more and more cloth bags at stores.  It's a wonderful thing....

But I'm not going to be happy if I spend the next four years of the "Obamanation" (it's clever, because it sounds like abomination, which isn't how I feel about him, but I keep hearing everyone call it that, and I don't know who coined it in the first place, so I have to wonder whether or not that's why it was introduced) okay... the parenthesis there were needed, I'm restarting the sentence:

I'm not going to be happy if I spend the next four years hearing about how little we're doing for nature and how much worse things are getting, and how doors are opening for new bouts of baby seal clubbing.

Again, I'm all for the environment, but I hate when I read things like this.  I just want to ask this person "do you really believe with all of the new pushes for green, from consumer and government, things are still getting worse?"

I'm probably just tired, but when I read that, i could no longer stumble upon things until I had blogged about it.

Meg and John

My sister got married a few weeks ago.  It was an awesome time.  I ate really expensive food, had a really messed up Roy Rogers, saw my sister get married, and got a girlfriend.  All of those are pretty good things, but what topped all of that was the performance me and my little brothers put on.  It's one of the most beautiful songs ever written.  You can hear it here.

blog out

matt

p.s.  Go to my youtube account tool.  I'm still not convinced hits go through if you watch the video on blogs, and if you can't afford one more tab open, we aren't good enough friends for me to care about your opinion, and if we are good enough friends for me to care about your opinion, you should care about mine to.  This thing goes both ways.  I'm writing the blog for you, so do this one thing for me.  I think my post script was longer than my script.

Fortnight: Part deux

So you know where Fortnight came from, but I should tell you what we're doing.  

The kids are getting placed in two competing teams.  The Gourdic Vikings and The Gourdabon Empire.  They each have one Gourd ruler (in costume (pictures to come, I have to charge my camera before I can take them)) and their job is to build a fort around the Gourd to protect it. 

Each team will have string, sheets, and some pillows (and whatever they bring) to build a fort for their Gourd ruler.  The Gourd rulers are just, so the teams will want to protect their gourds.

After the teams build their forts, they will take turns firing cannons (fancy for throwing balls) at the other team's fort.  Each time they knock over the Gourd ruler they will be allowed to place 1 checker in a connect 4 game.  

Each time they have 3 in a row on the first connect 4 game, they will be awarded one new checker to place on a second connect 4 game, where they can win the whole game by connecting 4.

I know it sounds a little confusing, but these are junior highers... they'll get it.  I'm super excited.

blog out

matt

Fortnight

a week and a half ago at Junior High Group at Westwind an idea came about for an event called Fortnight.  The story behind it's creation is simple.  I started telling the kids, about how two weeks from now would be fortnight.  We had decided that two weeks from the night we'd do costumes, but when the kids didn't understand what I meant when I said fortnight, it became a really long and awesome vocabulary joke that went something like this:

"Everyone, two weeks from tonight will be a fortnight."

"What's a fortnight?"

"Two weeks."

"What?"

"Two weeks from tonight will be a fortnight."

"Huh?"

"Two weeks from tonight will be Fortnight." 

(please note, this is the point where the idea was fleshed out.  I think I turned to Katie and said something about "let's build forts!" and both of us got excited.)

"What's fortnight?"

"In a fortnight we'll be having fortnight where we build forts.  Wear costumes and bring stuff."

"I'm confused"

"You should be.  See you in a fortnight for fortnight."

Voyager

Captain's blog,

A few days ago I bought a new phone.  The *pause* voyager.  It *pause* seems to be *pause* just *pause* a cheap *pause* iPhone.  What *pause* does *pause* this *pause* mean?  

Okay, but seriously, the Voyager seems pretty okay.  Having an iPod touch makes anything short of an iPhone seem stupid, but I decided that AT&T wasn't my thing... neither was leaving my parents Verizon account.  So yeah, I'm 'stuck' with my cell phone bill being paid by them a few more years.  Sweet.

Having a phone that doesn't freeze after each text message is awesome, and I like the overall interface with the touch screen and a non-touch screen keyboard.  I'd give the phone a 6/10... assuming that an iPhone ranks about 8.  I'd say 6 isn't bad on that scale, and I think iPhones could be a 10... but I want to believe there's better options out there, so I'll put them at 8/10 and lol at Steve Jobs when he reads this post and realizes he has 2 more to go.

blog out

captain matt

Blog

This was my blog from last night, but I didn't submit it last night.  Instead, I fell asleep reading an article on Obama. 

So I voted Tuesday... Sort of.  I did the ballot filling out a few days early via the facebook.  I voted for Mr. Potato Head.  Mostly because I couldn't vote for either candidate without knowing that I had no honest reason to vote for either candidate except that they aren't the other person.

Obama might be able to do great things... He's young, ultra-liberal, and has some past history that makes me uneasy, BUT he's got the right attitude for our country.  If I was voting completely based off which candidate I liked more or thought looked more presidential, he would win in a heartbeat.  I also don't mind Biden.  I don't agree with either of these guys politically, but they're not total idiots.

That's where I get into Sarah Palin and, to a lesser extent, John McCain.  Sarah Palin was an attempt to beat someone with a gimmick.  If John McCain thought Sarah Palin was ready to be vice president... There's a blank spot here, because I like to think McCain isn't a total idiot... but maybe he is.  I read back when she first got put on the ticket that "she was the only hope for McCain in winning."  Really?  Then Obama won back then.  

To think, our country was a failing heart away from her running everything.  Gashlkajhs;lhjkahj  It's scary to think about.

So yeah, I don't agree with Obama on a lot of the social issues, but at least his vice president isn't a gimmick.  Maybe he'll be the messiah everyone thought he was... or maybe in 4 years the republican party wont try and run a John Kerry-esque campaign.

blog out

matt

Verizon gets a little less sucky

So apparently I could have had a free upgrade in August...

Huh?

What?!?

Back in September I went in and tried to get my antenae fixed and was told that I couldn't, because they discontinued the kind of phone.  Fine.  I can't fix it, but maybe you could solve the problem and tell me I can upgrade my phone...

Oh well.

Today, after hearing for the last week that I couldn't get a new phone yet, I finally got one.  Thanks to an awesome Verizon manager who happened to also not be a tool.

What a great day.  I went to the doctor, confirmed that my finger really is broken... but I can still play frisbee, and then had junior high group, where I got ice cream.  Ice cream + Naomi Safford = best night ever.  She's cooler than you.

Besides that, next week is fortnight.  Be prepared for video of the event, because I'm planning on having video of the event.

Click on the link above that says 'video.'  Someone please tell me who this guy is.

blog out

matt

Rapid Hope Loss

I was perusing a Parables catalog while pooping, when I saw the following two things:

Sinbad being used to advertise a Christian comedy?

And Christian rock (I'm just glad there aren't drums, or the right wingers would be up in arms)

Christians are funny.  I love the idea of a Guitar Hero game with a good majority of the songs having little to no heroic guitar.  

Well, I couldn't properly laugh at Christians without checking up on Godtube.

See, I check up on Godtube from time to time and search for things like "features" or "trailers."  This time I came across some gems:

The first might actually be a decent film.  Frank Peretti has some good books, and he studied to be a filmmaker.  His book "House" was a little cheesy... but I must say it was ONLY a little cheesy.  The film is rated 'R', and it looks pretty decent.  I'm actually considering seeing it.  That's a first.

Other than that, I would suggest anyone who wants to laugh at acting check out this little flick.

I had more, but Obama + Godtube being down(? can't load it at home) + tired = bed.

Blog out

matt

Cellular Phones

There isn't much honour to be had in the cellular phone industry. There probably was at one time. A simpler time.

Thrice I have gone talking to different Verizon employees about my phone in the last week. You see, my phone is currently in a sad situation. The antenea falls out constantly, and it rarely has signal. It also freezes more often than Vista (Ba-Zing).

I am sitting right now looking at the stupid thing, and all I can say is, Verizon sucks. I'm two days from a new phone. I've tried getting a new phone a few times in the last week, with the employees always telling me "sorry it hasn't been two years... you need to wait a few more days."

Screw you, Verizon employee. You're not going career at Verizon. Help a brother out, and let him get his phone 2 days early.


When Barack Obama gets elected, he's going to change Verizon.

November 3rd

I'm typing with a broken finger right now. Everytime I type a s, w, or x, it's painful. So are the capital versions of Q, A, Z, W, S, and X. I can handle numbers fine, because I'm a genious.

So how did my finger break? Great question. Last weekend I played in an Ultimate tournament called Hallowinona. My team, Gnarwhal, finished 2nd overall. All it took was a 5-2 record and a broken finger. I ran into some bumpy terrain trying to catch a huck from the distinguished Brian Lucido, and wound up on the ground. Shortly after falling, the guy guarding me decided my hand needed to be stepped in. I'm sure it was an accident, but only jerks step on hands. Period.

Besides the recent finger break, life is going pretty good. I've got a new job at a company called REL productions as a video editor, I hang out with the Westwind Junior Highers every Wednesday, and I'm on two Ultimate teams in the top 100. It's been a pretty good year.

Blog out
matt

No-Not-blog November

So, I'm starting to do the blog-a-day, or No-Not-Blog November. I can't post about it directly, and I started two days late.