My theories on Lost

i like Lost.  i'm almost ashamed of it, after how last season went.  Long, boring, and slightly out of control.  Nevertheless, i watch it and i'm excited for the new season.  The reason i'm excited?  i know what's happening.  In fact, i know how the series is going to end.  If you're willing to risk the series being ruined, read ahead, otherwise turn back to this page in a couple years, when ABC promises it will end.

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First things first, some of the less important subplot resolutions:

1.  M Night Shamalan will show up in the last episode.  Not because he had anything to do with the series.  Because in a year, he's going to be desperate for work, and he could almost pass as Sayid's brother.  Almost.   

2.  Jack is a mormon.

3.  Ben is Peter Pan.  Not the real Peter Pan, but in his mind he equates himself to being the Peter Pan of the Lost island.  Hurley is his Smee.

4.  The Dharma Initiative made global warming.

None of that should come as a surprise.  i mean, if you've watched 3 episodes of the show, you know that Ben thinks he can fly, Jack fancies multiple women, M Night hasn't had a good movie in ages, and that blaming global warming on non-existing entities works.  Nothing i've said so far should be news.  Now you're getting into where the news starts:

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The whole show of Lost is just a Coldplay music video.  At the end of the last episode, you're going to see in the bottom left corner some sweet music video text that says the following:

"Lost"

Coldplay 

The 6 Seasons

Bad Robot

Dir. JJ Abrams

Think i'm wrong?  Think about this:

• JJ Abrams has no clue what's going on, just like Chris Martin.  
• Half of Lost takes place on a beach, just like the music video for Yellow. 
• Coldplay steals things, just like JJ Abrams.  They (Coldplay) stole their most recent hit song, and Lost is just a remake of some the hit NBC show Crusoe (I could blog for hours on the similarities between the two shows).
  
• Hugh Laurie was offered the spot as lead singer of Coldplay, and as any/every character for Lost (Imagine the whole show with just him.  It would make way more sense).  If you don't think this proves the link between Coldplay and Lost, it should be noted that both offers happened on the same plane ride from LAX to Toronto.  If that doesn't prove the link, JJ ABRAMS OFFERED THEM BOTH!  Seriously.  The caps proves it like no link could.
• Each season of Lost is supposed to be played while listening to one of Coldplay's albums.  Season 4 was shortened, supposedly because of the strike, but really because of the fact that Vida La Vida only had a few songs worth listening to while watching Lost.
• Chris Martin is an anagram for MI CHARTA RINS, which is Atlantian for I'm JJ Abrams clone.
  
• The Dharma Initiative began in the late 1980s to write songs that sounded better while using Acid.  Regardless of what JJ Abrams switches it to, the fact is, Dharma Initiative=group of strung out hippies writing music for Coldplay.
• Lastly, JJ Abrams and Christ Martin have never been seen together...  You think that kills this theory?  You think that proves me wrong?  You think that makes you a tough guy?  You think you're better than me?  i've got more zeroes to my name than all the non-Honey Nut Cheerios you ate this morning, Mr./Mrs. High Cholesterol.  JJ and Chris have made it a point to ignore each other in public, but use other means to communicate.

i'm sure you're all wondering if there's any way to verify this information.  There is.  Use acid, put Safety in your CD player, and turn on Season 1 of Lost.  At the end of the season, i dare you to tell me i'm wrong.

blog out,

matt