My theories on Lost

i like Lost.  i'm almost ashamed of it, after how last season went.  Long, boring, and slightly out of control.  Nevertheless, i watch it and i'm excited for the new season.  The reason i'm excited?  i know what's happening.  In fact, i know how the series is going to end.  If you're willing to risk the series being ruined, read ahead, otherwise turn back to this page in a couple years, when ABC promises it will end.

***SPOILER***

***ALERT!!!***

***SPOILER***

***ALERT!!!***

***SPOILER***

***ALERT!!!***

***SPOILER***

***ALERT!!!***

First things first, some of the less important subplot resolutions:

1.  M Night Shamalan will show up in the last episode.  Not because he had anything to do with the series.  Because in a year, he's going to be desperate for work, and he could almost pass as Sayid's brother.  Almost.   

2.  Jack is a mormon.

3.  Ben is Peter Pan.  Not the real Peter Pan, but in his mind he equates himself to being the Peter Pan of the Lost island.  Hurley is his Smee.

4.  The Dharma Initiative made global warming.

None of that should come as a surprise.  i mean, if you've watched 3 episodes of the show, you know that Ben thinks he can fly, Jack fancies multiple women, M Night hasn't had a good movie in ages, and that blaming global warming on non-existing entities works.  Nothing i've said so far should be news.  Now you're getting into where the news starts:

***DOUBLE***

***SPOILER***

***ALERT!!!***

***DOUBLE***

***SPOILER***

***ALERT!!!***

The whole show of Lost is just a Coldplay music video.  At the end of the last episode, you're going to see in the bottom left corner some sweet music video text that says the following:

"Lost"

Coldplay 

The 6 Seasons

Bad Robot

Dir. JJ Abrams

Think i'm wrong?  Think about this:

• JJ Abrams has no clue what's going on, just like Chris Martin.  
• Half of Lost takes place on a beach, just like the music video for Yellow. 
• Coldplay steals things, just like JJ Abrams.  They (Coldplay) stole their most recent hit song, and Lost is just a remake of some the hit NBC show Crusoe (I could blog for hours on the similarities between the two shows).
  
• Hugh Laurie was offered the spot as lead singer of Coldplay, and as any/every character for Lost (Imagine the whole show with just him.  It would make way more sense).  If you don't think this proves the link between Coldplay and Lost, it should be noted that both offers happened on the same plane ride from LAX to Toronto.  If that doesn't prove the link, JJ ABRAMS OFFERED THEM BOTH!  Seriously.  The caps proves it like no link could.
• Each season of Lost is supposed to be played while listening to one of Coldplay's albums.  Season 4 was shortened, supposedly because of the strike, but really because of the fact that Vida La Vida only had a few songs worth listening to while watching Lost.
• Chris Martin is an anagram for MI CHARTA RINS, which is Atlantian for I'm JJ Abrams clone.
  
• The Dharma Initiative began in the late 1980s to write songs that sounded better while using Acid.  Regardless of what JJ Abrams switches it to, the fact is, Dharma Initiative=group of strung out hippies writing music for Coldplay.
• Lastly, JJ Abrams and Christ Martin have never been seen together...  You think that kills this theory?  You think that proves me wrong?  You think that makes you a tough guy?  You think you're better than me?  i've got more zeroes to my name than all the non-Honey Nut Cheerios you ate this morning, Mr./Mrs. High Cholesterol.  JJ and Chris have made it a point to ignore each other in public, but use other means to communicate.

i'm sure you're all wondering if there's any way to verify this information.  There is.  Use acid, put Safety in your CD player, and turn on Season 1 of Lost.  At the end of the season, i dare you to tell me i'm wrong.

blog out,

matt

B Train minus the post-hipster beverage

i was driving on some errands (important ones, i'm not a PA), when i realized how smart my brain is.  i was thinking about a video, when i suddenly realized something about myself.  If most people use 10% of their brain, i use 20.  And if most people really use 90%, i use 180%.  That's right.  i don't use 10% more, i use twice as much.  if you were a pc computer, i'd be two macs and a linux machine, all working together in harmony to build viruses to lol into your face.

But seriously, my brain is awesome.  

My next fun video projects are all stop motion, and the one i'm most excited about (so far) is a stop motion of a Furby singing "Come Sail Away" by Styx.  You read that right.  It's such a great statement i almost blew one of my nine swears on it.  If that doesn't get your goat yodeling, imagine adding in a tyrannosaurus rex stepping on sheep.  Got your attention now?  If your brain was working at twice it's capacity, you would have realized how awesome this was back at the word "My" in this paragraph.  Noob.

i cannot feel sorry for you, because my heightened intellect realized long ago that unlocking the key to my incredible brainpower wasn't in your reach.  One day, when you're bringing me a glass of chardonnay in the throne room your family helped construct before i had them all sent to the bean fields, you'll realize that i wasn't being cruel, because i cured all sickness.  So what if i enslaved mankind?  Even the best super heroes (if you had my brain, you would have realized i'm a super hero long ago) have flaws, and my flaw is far better than Superman.  i never left the world because i had a kid, and i certainly never made a movie as crappy as King Kong (makes sense to me, sorry pint-brained dweeb).

in conclusion, well, actually, i don't need to conclude.  It's not my fault you can't keep up with me, and i came to my conclusion before i typed in the title of this blog.

blog out,

matt

Look at this

In 2001 Nickelback had a hit song called 'How You Remind Me', where Chad Kroeger tells the complex story of how an airline stewardess reminds him of an ex-wife.  The band hadn't sold out yet, and you saw the pain and heartbreak Chad had endured.  I wanted to reach out to him, to tell him it would be alright, but my parents were cheap and wouldn't pay for texting on my phone.

I obsessed over the song.  I threw out all my Christian Ska and Furthermore records, and began listening to this new, raw, real rock and roll song.  'How You Remind Me' was the only thing that kept me from falling in line with all those zombie kids who liked Sugar Ray, Pink, and Lil' Bow WoW.  It was my anthem. 

After 'How You Remind Me' showed me that a man can truly live after love, Chad pushed me away.  With his track 'Never Again', I feared he wouldn't open up anymore, since I had been unable to reach out to him, and when I wept for the injustice caused by my parents, he released 'Too Bad'.  

For 7 years I tried to avoid his songs, because of the gaping hole he left in my heart.  Where was the man who wrote 'How You Remind Me', and how could he be reminded again of his awesome potential.  My heart broken, I fell back into the Christian Ska craze that had plagued my youth.  I turned the radio off for nigh on 6 years, until the need for traffic and weather reports pried open the fragile remains of my heart.

When i first heard Nickelback had a new single on the radio, you can imagine how I wanted to crash my car into a ditch filled with explosives and small, fragile baby giraffes.  I was so overcome with grief, I was ready to quit listening to the radio altogether. 

Until I heard the title of the song.

'Gotta be Somebody' or  The anguished cry of Chad Kroeger and his complexly deep soul.  I began listening retroactively to his music.  In 'Photograph' I learned about his past, and in 'Rockstar' I saw a glimpse behind the facade of his 'Rockstar' image.  Again there was more than just a heartless, Fred Durst wannabe in Chad Kroeger.

'Gotta be Somebody' is Chad saying to all of the loyal fans (like me, but not me, because we parted ways long ago) that he appreciates them and promises to deliver more touching songs in the future.  It may not be his normal style of song, but it's incredible.  You can see it in his lyrics.

A thousand times I've seen you standing 

Gravity like lunar landing 

That's pretty sweet, especially considering that space is the final frontier, and he's saying that we are all a part of his final frontier.  

You make me want to run till' I find you 

And yet, we're in space and he's running.  He's got super powers.  Chad is like Superman and the guy who was sort of like Superman from one of the last Superman movies.  I didn't see it all, and I was 10 when I watched it, so I'm not sure, but I think Superman and the other guy were sort of like Chad's illegitimate fathers.

I shut the world away from here 

I drift to you, you're all I hear 
As everything we know fades to black 

It's hard to even imagine what went through his head here, but my guess is that he's singing about how at concerts when the lights go out, he's usually unable to see the fans, but he can still hear them.  

Half the time the world is ending 
Truth is I am done pretending 

Chad has always been an active stopper of global warming, and he's finally bringing it to the forefront of his musical prowess.  How can you ignore the truth when the world is half destroyed already?  Don't be foolish.

I never thought that I 
Had anymore to give 
You're pushing me so far 
Here I am without you

And now we get to it.  Nickelback is Nickelback because the fans believe in Chad, but they sometimes push him farther than he can go alone.  Chad doesn't want to fall into where he was with 'How you Remind Me', but he does want to give us more beautiful music.

 
Drink to all that we have lost 
Mistakes we have made 
Everything will change 
But love remains the same 

A man like Chad has lost a lot, and here he reflects on his mistakes, and how there's got to be someone, somewhere, who will share love with him, no matter how many mistakes he's made.  

I find a place where we escape 
Take you with me for the space 

He's inviting his fans to go up into space with him... like a cult leader... but I think it's way cooler, because he's a rockstar. 

The city buzz sounds just like a fridge

After talking about space, he slows things down.  Chad had trouble as a child coming to terms with the cold air coming from his family's refridgerator.  His older brothers, Chaz and Chet, once threw him into the food cooling and storage unit and barred the door shut for almost 3 hours.  After the incident, Chad decided to forego the fridge, because the sound haunted him.  He wants to leave the city.

 
I walk the streets through seven bars 
I have to find just where you are 

Even though Chad wants to leave, if he can't find us, he's going to stay.  The Proclaimers walked 500 miles (and possibly 500 more, although that was an if, then thing... "if i walk 500 miles and don't find you, then i will walk 500 more"), but Chad says that he'll walk until he finds us, stopping at nothing.  He has to know.  

The faces seem to blur 
They're all the same 

These are the non-fans.  One day, Chad will bring all of us into his ship, and all of the non-fans will gnash their teeth on the outside, crying as we leave, knowing that without Chad, the world is going to suck.

Half the time the world is ending 
Truth is I am done pretending 

This time, the world is ending because he's leaving, but he still doesn't want us to skip on the recycling.  It's important.

After that he goes into the chorus, and that's all the same stuff.  You can reread it from above if you want.

So much more to say 
So much to be done 
Don't you trick me out 
We shall overcome 
It's all left still to play 

This post-second chorus bit is probably the part that sucker punches my heart the most viciously.  Chad really cares about me.  He wants us to do everything, but understands that we can't.  Instead, he wants us to overcome together, and maybe put on a play.  Knowing Chad, it will probably be a hilarious parody of one of Shakespeare's work, chocked full of modern jokes.

We should've had the sun 
Could have been inside 
Instead we're over here 

As the ship prepares to take off, Chad says one last thing to all the haters.  When he says 'we're over here', he's really saying 'me and all my fans, we're going, you could have come, but you were foolish. Peace, suck it, I'm out.'

Half the time the world is ending 
Truth is I am done pretending 
Too much time too long defending 
You and I are done pretending 

And smack.  The world is ending because Chad is gone, and he's not even going to pretend to miss the haters.  We're going to somewhere better.  No more defending beautiful lyrics to the stupid masses, it's time for Chad to quit wasting time on those who don't get the deep message of his song.

Chad has captured the hearts of millions, and I hope that all of the haters reading this will realize that they've got it all wrong.  Nickelback is the best band ever, thanks to Chad and his awesomeness.  Chad, I'm sorry for ever being a doubter. 

blog out,

matt

Swearing rules (not SWEARING RULZ!!!)

I'm a firm believer in the fact that there are times appropriate for swearing.  Swearing can be used to emphasize a point, make an average joke incredible, and just make the sun shine a little bit brighter, if only for a short while.  My dad has had a grand slam of swears (that means he's said them all) in the last 4 years, and they all came out in ways that made everyone in the family laugh... even if he didn't say them expecting laughs.  Who could do anything about the story of "a b!"

On top of being useful, I believe swear words have to be earned.  The problem I have with most sweary-typed people is that they use them way too often.  I mean, I've heard guys use 3-5 words in a sentence.  Cool dude, way to water down everything.

I have earned 9 swears this year.  9.  That means that Mr. Cool dude from above used half of my quota for 2008 in one sentence.  It might happen, but I earned mine from 3 injuries that were painful, embarrassing, and altogether unpleasant.  Since the first injury, I began compiling a chart on how to know how many swears you have, since ignorance is no excuse to overswear.

1 Swear

• Immediately following a stubbed toe (2 if it happens in the shower)
  
• Missing your exit and having to drive another 3 miles before taking the next exit... and it has no on ramp going the other way.
  
• Finding out that Obama isn't a republican (only applies before 2008 or after the election)
• Finding out that Sarah Palin is (must use immediately)
• Buying anything Apple makes the day before an "unveiling." 
• Dropping a first aid kit into a toilet, and then telling the employee who saw it who just met you "it's okay, the bags water proof," but when you open it, it looks like the water seeped through.  

2 Swear

• Being Brett Favre
• Leaving your car keys in the car, and then not finding your magnet key device, because you never put it on because you used that key when you left your first one in the car and now they're both in the car.
• Getting poked in one eye.  Then getting poked in the other.  
• Forgetting the whole reason you drove 30 minutes in the snow.
• Getting into a low speed car accident.

3 Swear

• Broken bones (3 per bone)
  
• Any injury that prevent activity
• Missing the game winning field goal
• Being stuck in a car with a driver who listens to Nickelback (or 1 Swear per song, maximum 10 swears per album)
• Telling the wrong girl/guy you like them on facebook because of an accidental tab.
• Finding out that the girl/guy you like didn't really like you, they just accidentally pushed tab (multiply by 10 if this whole incident takes place in person)

5 Swear

• Burning your toast beyond repair.
  
• Finding out your roommate does Quixtar
• Having cancer (5 is the lowball, use your own judgement based on severity)
• Finding proof the moon landing was fake

Downtrodden be damned

"The Caribbean Monk seal (or West Indian seal) has been announced extinct on Friday. This comes as a shock (at least for me - and many others), as this is the first seal species announced extinct due to human activities; now, it will only be seen in drawings.After five years of futile efforts in which not even a single sighting has been reported, the U.S. declared extinct, and also declared that no other seal species has been extinct because of us. This probably (and sadly) opens the way for more such species to become extinct - unless something changes.

The Caribbean Monk Seal was a relatively small seal (6-9 feet) with rolls of fat around its neck and brown pelage that faded to a yellow-white color on the stomach. The last recorded sighting occurred in 1952.

Perhaps what’s even more important here is the lesson that must be learned. Humans left the population unsustainable due to overhunting. To how many other species have we done this? This will (and already is) ultimately affect us! Take just 10 seconds and think about that."

Okay, I found this article on Stumbledupon.com, which is pretty awesome, but the article is pretty sad.  I was really sad when I read the captioning.  We shouldn't be extincting animals.  We should be unextincting them. 

Then I got to the part of the article where the writer says "This probably (and sadly) opens the way for more such species to become extinct - unless something changes."  

Really?

I mean, I'm against taking our environment for granted and destroying nature, but - um... I need to write my blog about swearing real quick - WTF!!1!!11!!1!!  

This probably opens the way for more species to become extinct?  Buh... um... I'm sorry, but what a stupid thing to say.  Our society is so obsessed with green right now, that every company is at least making some effort towards going green (or pretending to).  NBC did a whole week on going green.  Every political candidate (the seal article was written in June) was talking about the environment.  Everything is about going green.  People are using more and more cloth bags at stores.  It's a wonderful thing....

But I'm not going to be happy if I spend the next four years of the "Obamanation" (it's clever, because it sounds like abomination, which isn't how I feel about him, but I keep hearing everyone call it that, and I don't know who coined it in the first place, so I have to wonder whether or not that's why it was introduced) okay... the parenthesis there were needed, I'm restarting the sentence:

I'm not going to be happy if I spend the next four years hearing about how little we're doing for nature and how much worse things are getting, and how doors are opening for new bouts of baby seal clubbing.

Again, I'm all for the environment, but I hate when I read things like this.  I just want to ask this person "do you really believe with all of the new pushes for green, from consumer and government, things are still getting worse?"

I'm probably just tired, but when I read that, i could no longer stumble upon things until I had blogged about it.

Meg and John

My sister got married a few weeks ago.  It was an awesome time.  I ate really expensive food, had a really messed up Roy Rogers, saw my sister get married, and got a girlfriend.  All of those are pretty good things, but what topped all of that was the performance me and my little brothers put on.  It's one of the most beautiful songs ever written.  You can hear it here.

blog out

matt

p.s.  Go to my youtube account tool.  I'm still not convinced hits go through if you watch the video on blogs, and if you can't afford one more tab open, we aren't good enough friends for me to care about your opinion, and if we are good enough friends for me to care about your opinion, you should care about mine to.  This thing goes both ways.  I'm writing the blog for you, so do this one thing for me.  I think my post script was longer than my script.

Fortnight: Part deux

So you know where Fortnight came from, but I should tell you what we're doing.  

The kids are getting placed in two competing teams.  The Gourdic Vikings and The Gourdabon Empire.  They each have one Gourd ruler (in costume (pictures to come, I have to charge my camera before I can take them)) and their job is to build a fort around the Gourd to protect it. 

Each team will have string, sheets, and some pillows (and whatever they bring) to build a fort for their Gourd ruler.  The Gourd rulers are just, so the teams will want to protect their gourds.

After the teams build their forts, they will take turns firing cannons (fancy for throwing balls) at the other team's fort.  Each time they knock over the Gourd ruler they will be allowed to place 1 checker in a connect 4 game.  

Each time they have 3 in a row on the first connect 4 game, they will be awarded one new checker to place on a second connect 4 game, where they can win the whole game by connecting 4.

I know it sounds a little confusing, but these are junior highers... they'll get it.  I'm super excited.

blog out

matt

Fortnight

a week and a half ago at Junior High Group at Westwind an idea came about for an event called Fortnight.  The story behind it's creation is simple.  I started telling the kids, about how two weeks from now would be fortnight.  We had decided that two weeks from the night we'd do costumes, but when the kids didn't understand what I meant when I said fortnight, it became a really long and awesome vocabulary joke that went something like this:

"Everyone, two weeks from tonight will be a fortnight."

"What's a fortnight?"

"Two weeks."

"What?"

"Two weeks from tonight will be a fortnight."

"Huh?"

"Two weeks from tonight will be Fortnight." 

(please note, this is the point where the idea was fleshed out.  I think I turned to Katie and said something about "let's build forts!" and both of us got excited.)

"What's fortnight?"

"In a fortnight we'll be having fortnight where we build forts.  Wear costumes and bring stuff."

"I'm confused"

"You should be.  See you in a fortnight for fortnight."

Voyager

Captain's blog,

A few days ago I bought a new phone.  The *pause* voyager.  It *pause* seems to be *pause* just *pause* a cheap *pause* iPhone.  What *pause* does *pause* this *pause* mean?  

Okay, but seriously, the Voyager seems pretty okay.  Having an iPod touch makes anything short of an iPhone seem stupid, but I decided that AT&T wasn't my thing... neither was leaving my parents Verizon account.  So yeah, I'm 'stuck' with my cell phone bill being paid by them a few more years.  Sweet.

Having a phone that doesn't freeze after each text message is awesome, and I like the overall interface with the touch screen and a non-touch screen keyboard.  I'd give the phone a 6/10... assuming that an iPhone ranks about 8.  I'd say 6 isn't bad on that scale, and I think iPhones could be a 10... but I want to believe there's better options out there, so I'll put them at 8/10 and lol at Steve Jobs when he reads this post and realizes he has 2 more to go.

blog out

captain matt

Blog

This was my blog from last night, but I didn't submit it last night.  Instead, I fell asleep reading an article on Obama. 

So I voted Tuesday... Sort of.  I did the ballot filling out a few days early via the facebook.  I voted for Mr. Potato Head.  Mostly because I couldn't vote for either candidate without knowing that I had no honest reason to vote for either candidate except that they aren't the other person.

Obama might be able to do great things... He's young, ultra-liberal, and has some past history that makes me uneasy, BUT he's got the right attitude for our country.  If I was voting completely based off which candidate I liked more or thought looked more presidential, he would win in a heartbeat.  I also don't mind Biden.  I don't agree with either of these guys politically, but they're not total idiots.

That's where I get into Sarah Palin and, to a lesser extent, John McCain.  Sarah Palin was an attempt to beat someone with a gimmick.  If John McCain thought Sarah Palin was ready to be vice president... There's a blank spot here, because I like to think McCain isn't a total idiot... but maybe he is.  I read back when she first got put on the ticket that "she was the only hope for McCain in winning."  Really?  Then Obama won back then.  

To think, our country was a failing heart away from her running everything.  Gashlkajhs;lhjkahj  It's scary to think about.

So yeah, I don't agree with Obama on a lot of the social issues, but at least his vice president isn't a gimmick.  Maybe he'll be the messiah everyone thought he was... or maybe in 4 years the republican party wont try and run a John Kerry-esque campaign.

blog out

matt

Verizon gets a little less sucky

So apparently I could have had a free upgrade in August...

Huh?

What?!?

Back in September I went in and tried to get my antenae fixed and was told that I couldn't, because they discontinued the kind of phone.  Fine.  I can't fix it, but maybe you could solve the problem and tell me I can upgrade my phone...

Oh well.

Today, after hearing for the last week that I couldn't get a new phone yet, I finally got one.  Thanks to an awesome Verizon manager who happened to also not be a tool.

What a great day.  I went to the doctor, confirmed that my finger really is broken... but I can still play frisbee, and then had junior high group, where I got ice cream.  Ice cream + Naomi Safford = best night ever.  She's cooler than you.

Besides that, next week is fortnight.  Be prepared for video of the event, because I'm planning on having video of the event.

Click on the link above that says 'video.'  Someone please tell me who this guy is.

blog out

matt

Rapid Hope Loss

I was perusing a Parables catalog while pooping, when I saw the following two things:

Sinbad being used to advertise a Christian comedy?

And Christian rock (I'm just glad there aren't drums, or the right wingers would be up in arms)

Christians are funny.  I love the idea of a Guitar Hero game with a good majority of the songs having little to no heroic guitar.  

Well, I couldn't properly laugh at Christians without checking up on Godtube.

See, I check up on Godtube from time to time and search for things like "features" or "trailers."  This time I came across some gems:

The first might actually be a decent film.  Frank Peretti has some good books, and he studied to be a filmmaker.  His book "House" was a little cheesy... but I must say it was ONLY a little cheesy.  The film is rated 'R', and it looks pretty decent.  I'm actually considering seeing it.  That's a first.

Other than that, I would suggest anyone who wants to laugh at acting check out this little flick.

I had more, but Obama + Godtube being down(? can't load it at home) + tired = bed.

Blog out

matt

Cellular Phones

There isn't much honour to be had in the cellular phone industry. There probably was at one time. A simpler time.

Thrice I have gone talking to different Verizon employees about my phone in the last week. You see, my phone is currently in a sad situation. The antenea falls out constantly, and it rarely has signal. It also freezes more often than Vista (Ba-Zing).

I am sitting right now looking at the stupid thing, and all I can say is, Verizon sucks. I'm two days from a new phone. I've tried getting a new phone a few times in the last week, with the employees always telling me "sorry it hasn't been two years... you need to wait a few more days."

Screw you, Verizon employee. You're not going career at Verizon. Help a brother out, and let him get his phone 2 days early.


When Barack Obama gets elected, he's going to change Verizon.

November 3rd

I'm typing with a broken finger right now. Everytime I type a s, w, or x, it's painful. So are the capital versions of Q, A, Z, W, S, and X. I can handle numbers fine, because I'm a genious.

So how did my finger break? Great question. Last weekend I played in an Ultimate tournament called Hallowinona. My team, Gnarwhal, finished 2nd overall. All it took was a 5-2 record and a broken finger. I ran into some bumpy terrain trying to catch a huck from the distinguished Brian Lucido, and wound up on the ground. Shortly after falling, the guy guarding me decided my hand needed to be stepped in. I'm sure it was an accident, but only jerks step on hands. Period.

Besides the recent finger break, life is going pretty good. I've got a new job at a company called REL productions as a video editor, I hang out with the Westwind Junior Highers every Wednesday, and I'm on two Ultimate teams in the top 100. It's been a pretty good year.

Blog out
matt

No-Not-blog November

So, I'm starting to do the blog-a-day, or No-Not-Blog November. I can't post about it directly, and I started two days late.

Lundilicious Part 3

Before launching into the inevitable awesome post about the most recent installment of the "Linton Promoting Easter" videos, let me just say that it's great to finally be making a post in Firefox. For some reason, I had been using Safari, which led to the lack of links in the last few posts. Enjoy links in their entirety today, because they will be abundant.

Today I put the third and final Easter promotion video on youtube. It's going to be embedded in this blog, so don't bother going to youtube. In this video, we get to take a look inside the work day of Valley Church staff and ex-staff. The video aired last Sunday without PJ, who was cut because of time. PJ has been cut more times than most emo kids, and they usually aren't self inflicted, making them more difficult to bear. Poor guy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this video is a Director's cut. It wasn't shown in auditoriums, but it will be shown throughout the world wide web. Enjoy:



In case you were wondering, I didn't link off of emo because it's too easy. If you feel cheated, click here and start reading (there's some swears in there, so be careful. I didn't read that far in, because Easter is putting me in a great enough mood).

Lundilicious Dos

After the first "Lundilicious" video, our office decided to take things to the next level. We added in Jon Kalvig, the interim youth pastor, to spice things up. Enjoy:




This video is only funny if you watch the first one or know some of the people at the churh.  If you don't fit into either of those elite categories, sorry.  

What's more exciting about this video than the thousands of hits it's going to bring to my youtube account, is the fact that we're doing two more videos in this 'series.'  Next week is going to be backdrop free, and show the more internal side of the church.

Then on Easter Sunday we'll have one more video.  I'm not sure what it's going to be like at all, we haven't had a full brain storming session, but tomorrow we'll start to really hash it out.  Think "Christmas List, Yo" but for Easter.  

On a side note, I might have the flu.  It sucks.  This morning I felt awful, and  I'm pretty sure it wasn't because I woke up in a pool of my own vomit on the floor of a motel in San Diego.  In fact, I woke up in my own bed after over 8 hours of sleep.   I'm beginning to think that I'm sort of like Desmond from Lost, and daylight savings has affected my brain.  That was a spoiler if you aren't watching this season.

peace out

New Facebook note

You can read it here.

The Start of Something Beautiful...

This is an old love note I wrote a good friend's fiance, Jennifer Johnson. It was the start of a long list of notes sent between the two of us.

Enjoy:


Hello. My name is Matt. I saw your profile picture and wondered how I could be that guy? Flowers? Candy? Candied Flowers? Whatever it takes, I'll do it.

We haven't even met yet, and I still feel a connection. Like two states, bound together by a bridge. The states were Nebraska and Iowa, and the mighty Missouri river couldn't stop the connection we have. I don't think we'd survive the Mississippi yet, but that doesn't matter. We'll build that bridge in time. Until then we can ford the river.

If you feel the same way, please tie (buy) a Dunce Hat gift and post it on my wall. I'll await your answer with fluttering footsteps and a heart out of sync, hoping you can set it right.

We also have the same last name, so you wouldn't have to change check information. Seriously, I'm a good catch.

Weekend Art Dreams

have always dreamed of being a Sunday morning cartoonist. Once a week the world would stare at something I drew and try to decide whether it was lame or funny. I think I could come up with some pretty sweet stuff.
In fact, I have come up with the demo strips for what will someday replace Rex Morgan, M.D.

It's called, "It's funny because..."
The character development of the strips is a little hard to follow so early on in the series, but it's based off the third season of Lost, so as long as you understand the plot of Lost, it shouldn't be too hard to figure it out.
Enjoy:

Lundilicious

Last week we started our Easter Promotions with a video of our Pastor of Care and Counseling letting everyone know what was up.

Along with having incredible fashion sense (I sort of half told him what I wanted him to wear, and that is what he came up with, and everyone keeps saying "good choice on the shirt", and I feel like he wore it as a joke, but I'm not positive.  So far I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt) Linton did a great job of bouncing around and was good enough that we'll be using his services again this week.

On a side note, in the next two weeks our website will go live.  Our current website, is probably the best thing ever, so it's hard to imagine something better, but we're giving it a try.

It's a stressful time, mainly because we should have had it up a long time ago, but complications and lack of content have pushed us backwards repeatedly.  Every little problem now feels like a wart on a baby's bottom.  I'm working on a number of "webisodes" for it though, and I'm very excited to see where things go.  

We're launching as valleygoesgreen.com, and all the videos I'm making will be themed as "how to" go green videos.  Those will launch with the website, and we'll show some of them at church to get people going to the new and improved website.  

On a back note, I'm working on a video for the song "Have a Little Faith in Me."  Here's a teaser:

(no links in this post because I accidently did it in Safari and it's lunch time.  Bummer for anyone who really wanted multi-colored text)

Can You Feel It [the love]

When the Lion King came out, I remember Elton John telling James Dobson during an interview that he "Hoped Christians would find a way to use his songs during church services to exclaim the glories of marriage between a man and a woman." Today I can safely say that on Sunday I will be able to safely say "Today we have realized Sir Elton John's dream. Finally a song from The Lion King will bring Christian couples closer together."

The song, 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight (hey-bum-ba-we)' was originally released with The Lion King on a cassette tape. The version of the song we are using is the Elton John sang version, but there is also the classic, with an introduction by Timon and Pumba.

On top of using this song to enhance our service, the new Indiana Jones trailer can be found at this link. While I'm still not sold on the movie, the preview got me to chuckle. Harrison Ford can probably pull it off. Maybe. It's going to depend on how heavily they rely on CG. I hope it works, because it comes out my birthday week, and that means that everyone will be like "for your birthday I'm taking you to a movie" and the last three times people have actually said that, the movies have sucked.

Two years ago I saw X-men 3. The movie was so awful that after watching it I broke
up with my girlfriend. I'm sure had I not seen that movie I would still be in a happy relationship.

In ninth grade I saw The Phantom Menace with a group of friends on my birthday. I say 'friends' loosely, because had any of them taken the time to find out how awful that movie would turn out, they would have saved all of us time.

Probably the only movie that could be worse than that came out when I was in sixth grade, and it was another "let's go see it on Matt's birthday!" I believe that this movie is half the reason that I got a D in Spanish 2 my freshman year. Godzilla. Yuck. What a horrible movie. For anyone who didn't know, Godzilla was the worst movie ever. I'd start tearing it apart, but if you haven't seen it, it might spark curiosity into you, and that's the one thing I don't want to do. It's that awful. Don't watch it.

Anyways, work calls. I can feel it.

Those thugs be steppin' on bugz

I'm watching the pro bowl.  It's not very exciting.  In fact, it reminds me of pee wee volleyball.  Boring pee wee volleyball.  There must be a better way to do it.

Maybe they should just pull a Rocky six and simulate it on Madden 96 for SNES.  They could let the two best quarterbacks create teams, but they have to use the roster from their pro bowl team to name the players.  

Milkary Clintabee's Hometown

Hello faithful blog readers. I know what you're thinking, "Matt hasn't bogged in forever." It's not true. I blogged last Thursday. It's okay though. It has been a long time. So here it goes:

I'm on vacation. I'm spending a few days down in Arkansas. It's a pretty cool state. Sort of like all the things that remind me of Nebraska and my mom's side of the family.

Some of the most disappointing things about Arkansas are:

1. It's 20 degrees out here. I drove south for 6 hours and the weather went from cold to warm and then back to cold.

2. Arkansas is sort of like the bastard child of New York. Most of the people I've seen are wearing "I heart N Y shirts. At first I thought N Y was something to do with a high school sports team in the area or something. The "North Yellowjackets," or the "North Yuppies."

3. Kentucky Fried Chicken is the same in Florida, Iowa, and Arkansas. How far south you go has nothing to do with the quality of the food.

4. iMac keyboards have nothing on normal keyboards.

5. Ultimate in Arkanasas is pretty okay, but the cold weather is pretty lame. I'd rather play indoors in Iowa any day. Any day being Tuesday.


Despite the abundance of disappointments, I have good news to report. I have begun using a dating site I found via a facebook group.

It's hard to be someone you aren't. Especially if you want to create a semi-convincing profile. Therefore, I decided to go with an unconvincing profile. Check it out.

I'll be keeping everyone posted with how it's going. Look out world. JCameronz is on the prowl!

Max Lucado would be rolling in his grave if he wasn't alive

Our next sermon series is going to be "Facing Your Giants." The only complaint I have is the complaint below:


Facing Your Giants

That's the title for our next series. Taken straight from Max Lucado's book or from a movie made for Christians by Christians with little or no care in the acting, either way it's not very original. We might as well make our series "David Vs. Goliath", because that's what this amounts to. "Facing Your Giants" is the 2000s version of "David Vs. Goliath."

I've been trying to come up with more creative ways of saying "Facing Your Giants," and I admit it's hard. Facing what giants? For me a giant could be anything from getting out of debt to punching a semi-flat soccer ball at a wall for 5 minutes straight. I can't accomplish either, but I hope to in the next ten years (The soccer ball one may be harder than the debt, I've only made it 2 minutes with the ball). Everyone has their own giants, but there's got to be a way to invoke gianticness without saying giant or Goliath.

My ideas:

1. Underdogz. That would be a good way of doing it. Adding the 'z' helps make it more legit and relevant. It's way better than Cinderella story/ztory. The thing is, you could do Facing Yo' Giantz. It really doesn't work.

2. Jumbo-Sized Problems. It has the 'z' in it to make it edgy, but it sounds stupid. I don't like the idea, but Jumbo came up when I thesaurus'd giant.

3. Whale Fishing. This one would be all about the image. A little kid, probably sort of emo looking, but without a stupid black t-shirt with edgy text, fishing on a radio flyer that's in the water sort of like a boat, and then in the water beneath him (it's stormy by the way, so the water is sort of gray-blue) there's a huge silhouette. I like the imagery. An old man could look at it and think "that little boy will never get a whale in the Radio Flyer, he needs a bigger boat." Most other people would get the symbolism.

4. They Might Be Giants. This wouldn't work. People wouldn't be able to think about theological questions with Birdhouse In Your Soul stuck in their heads, but it is a great song.

5. Speedbumps(z). Going back to the Whale Fishing idea, I think water is the way to go. I'm thinking about a boat hitting a small 'iceberg', but that's only the top third of the picture. It's actually a seaunicorn horn (kind of like this but with a larger horn. Google Images is amazing). It's a little overly mythical for church, but it would be pretty awesome. The seaunicorn could have a moustache and angry eyebrows to show his discontent with having his horn bumped.

I like the unseen water stuff, but I'm not overly sure it's suited for what we're doing. David knew Goliath was way larger than him. Goliath knew he was way larger than David. There wasn't any surprise there. Maybe a Moby Dick reference would work.

6. Call Me Ishmael. And then have a picture of a guy on top of a whale with a harpoon, about to dig it into the whales back. I've never finished Moby Dick (I tried to read the old school version of the book, but I wasn't really excited by it. There's some movie with a montage sequence where the guy reads Moby Dick to get the girl of his dreams after losing her, but he never says how it ends, so I guess I may never know.).

7. Old Men At Sea. A bunch of guys with large fish caught along the sides of their boats. In one boat farther away, Waldo can be seen.


That's all I have. I really want to work on photoshopping some of these, so there might be pictures added later. Peace out.

Welcome to the Geniousphere

Welcome. Today you have stumbled upon a blog that destroys conventional thinking with an unconventional jackhammer. This blog isn't out of the box, it is the box. At this point in time if you haven't started listening to The Outfield's hit song "Your Love", now's the time to turn it up.